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" he asked."Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. ""He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. Frankly Dave all those squawking birds are starting to get on my nerves. But the big bad wolf has different plans on his mind and he arrives at grannys cottage before her... "Big Bad Wolf: "I want suck your tittys"Granny: "Ha. Granny: "Do as the book says and f***ing eat me"A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15years. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway""Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone"I did it Daddy.""And what happened honey? The neighbours are complaining and I can't sleep through the noise. Cordially Debbie20 Dec Dave, What's with you and those birds?? Doo Dah, Doo Dah"Little red riding hood was travelling through the woods to visit her sick granny at her lovely cottage. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
The girl says "Well why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up? A guy goes to the doctors and complains "One of my testicles has turned blue". "We will install a plastic pipe and there'll be no problem"So the penis is removed and a while after the operation the guy returns yet again and is very angry. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. As Dum Dee was his best friend, it was up to him to tell Doo Dah's widow the sad news.
Just stop it now Debbie22 Dec Hey shithead What are you? They’ve been with those nine pipers all night long. " The drunk replies "Yes girl, I have indeed shit myself". "So the doctor examines the patient more carefully this time and says "Hmmmmmmm, I think it's the dye from your jeans.........."SORRY GUYSDear Friend I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and thenruns back to his master."So," says the farmer. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." God Bless America! One day there was a cave in and Doo Dah was killed. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. He is alsosurvived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is." They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait...
"Uh, you mean the one thatjust pumped the lion up the butt? Following their lead, the Montreal fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
YOU COME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU... The Senator's fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
Okay it is a sports bar -10......................it's all-you-can-eat night -20It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team -30A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYSGo with a mate 0The mate is happily married 1The mate is single -10He drives a Ferrari -20With a personalised licence plate (GR8 NBED) -30A NIGHT OUT WITH HERYou take her to a movie 2You take her to a movie she likes 5You take her to a movie you hate 8You take her to a movie you like -5It's called Death Cop III -10With features Cyborgs that eat humans -20You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -30YOUR PHYSIQUEYou develop a noticable pot belly -5You develop a pot belly and exercise to get rid of it 10You develop a pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too" -100THE BIG QUESTIONShe asks "Does this dress make me look fat? " -35You reply "No, I think it's your a***" -100COMMUNICATIONWhen she wants to talk about a problem You listen, displaying a concerned expression 1You listen, for over 30 minutes 5You relate to her problem and share a similar experience 50You have fallen asleep -200IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTHYou talk -100You don't talk -100You spend time with her -100You don't spend time with her -100You are seen enjoying yourself -10014 Dec Dearest Dave, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.
The doctor examines him and says that he will have to have it removed. " exclaims the guy "I can't have it off.""Do you want to die" says the doctor? But two weeks after the operation he comes back complaining that the other testicle is also now blue. After thorough examination the doctor gives him the bad news that his penis has to come off. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. As he arrives at the house he is still unsure how to break this to the widow.
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A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to a nice young girl. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. Fresh was buried inone of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent yearsand was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, Skippy, and . The grave side was piled high with flours as longtimefriend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he waskneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his laterlife was filled with many turnovers. He thinks it'sthe funniest thing he's ever done in his life, doing the "King of the Jungle" up the butt.
Your sworn enemy Miss Debbie Brown25 Dec(from the law offices of Taeker & Baeger Solicitors)Dear Sir, This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client Miss Debbie Brown. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest. "But I rounded them up."A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the same bar. Fresh diedyesterday of a severe yeast infection and traumacomplications from repeated pokes in the belly. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was anavid gardener and tennis player. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. Then he pulls out and runs away, laughing his head off.
I looked up to see what all the noise was and one of the birds shit in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender, "Surely you couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit! It was my first day with the new hook." A guy asks his friend what he got his wife for their anniversary? But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. "It's the last home game of an undefeated season, and a man makes his way to his seat right at the fifty yard line. Love Debbie17 Dec Dear Dave, Today the postman delivered four calling birds. They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? Affectionately Debbie18 Dec Dearest Dave What a surprise.
" "Oh, one day we were at sea, and some birds flew over. Well he replied if she don't like the slippers she can go F*#ck her self Father/Daughter Phone Conversation"Hello? Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all! He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. All my love Debbie19 Dec Dear Dave When I opened the door there were actually six geese a laying on my front steps. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain..whatever he tells you.